The names and locations are fictional, the directions are in bold but the car is mine and stories are true, sort of.
There are old houses and trendy eateries with gluten-free selections littered across this storied neighborhood with the original bricks paved onto the roads. It’s bumpy every time I’m here.
My first ride, Michelle cascaded toward the car. I wanted to take a picture to pique any paparazzi interest she might have while in her driveway. Sliding inside, she raised her finger to adjust her sunglasses then proceeded to do her best Audrey Hepburn.
“I want to pick up my friend. She is right around the corner when you get to Literary.” You look much different with a mustache, Michael.
I remembered then by doing this line of work, they’ll know what I look like as well as my car. I almost felt like a celebrity, too.
This is what I got it in for, other than the extra cash: Serving people. Driving is exciting. Communicating with others is what I do for a salary. Combining the two is a dream job, I guess.
Everybody is thankful for my presence. The drunker, the more grateful they become. But today, I figured I could help a damsel in distress who needs to get to work.
Coming off the left turn from Literary Street, Michelle and I discussed the remaining time of summer and cookouts that were rained out. She had an impromptu party to plan and needed a cleaner for her home.
She was in luck. Her friend, Rachel, a petite flower with a charming nose ring and calming voice, had a cousin who was a housekeeper. Her prices were cheap too.
We stopped outside Rachel’s home as she flowed off her front porch as Michelle did minus the pageant wave. She nestled into my front seat and lean into a solid Anne Hathaway pose.
“It’s best to get on Harmony, it’s a one-way, then left on Morrison Ave.”
Accountants at a boutique store on the far West side, the ladies described their work through the wrath of their manager who doesn’t listen effectively enough for Rachel’s tastes.
I told her when I was hired, I’m going to China for a month, then a weeding in Chicago. So, I needed September and some of October off. She just looked at me and said, “Okay”. She is just there because someone owed her a favor. Uggghh. She is so difficult.
Using her iPhone as a mirror to review her brushstrokes, Michelle nodded in agreement and explained to Rachel that life was easier during their days as baristas. The nose ring slightly tilted as Rachel chuckled then turned to me to drop some knowledge.
You know… you can tell a lot about a person when they order coffee.
With a few blocks from our destination, she grabbed my attention.
Black women always want extra caramel. No matter what, never fails! Old school people like black coffee and are to the point with you. But if there’s a guy who wants anything and everything with decaf, they’re either gay or an asshole.
After I called her out on her generalizations, she offered proof of her findings.
Oh! I tested my theory. There was this guy who went crazy with demands for decaf. He asked for my number and we went out on a date. He was a big time prick.
“You’ll want to make a left here…”
I thought I’d give him another shot. That time, I was drunk when he picked me up. We went to a bowling alley, drank some more and he still was an asshole.
“Pull into this driveway…”
Valid, I said. An asshole is an asshole. The ladies granted me sincere salutations and were on their way. Maybe the next time I enter a Starbucks, I’ll order black coffee with extra caramel.
What does coffee say about you? Leave a comment!
Last Week: 11-5
Best start ever. In history. Yay me!
Picks are in bold
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 11
PITTSBURGH STEELERS AT BALTIMORE RAVENS — 8:25 p.m.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 14
MIAMI DOLPHINS AT BUFFALO BILLS — 1:00 p.m.
DETROIT LIONS AT CAROLINA PANTHERS — 1:00 p.m.
ATLANTA FALCONS AT CINCINNATI BENGALS — 1:00 p.m.
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS AT CLEVELAND BROWNS — 1:00 p.m.
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS AT MINNESOTA VIKINGS — 1:00 p.m.
ARIZONA CARDINALS AT N.Y. GIANTS — 1:00 p.m.
DALLAS COWBOYS AT TENNESSEE TITANS — 1:00 p.m.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS AT WASHINGTON REDSKINS — 1:00 p.m.
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS AT SAN DIEGO CHARGERS — 4:05 p.m
ST. LOUIS RAMS AT TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS — 4:05 p.m.
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS AT DENVER BRONCOS — 4:25 p.m.
N.Y. JETS AT GREEN BAY PACKERS — 4:25 p.m.
HOUSTON TEXANS AT OAKLAND RAIDERS — 4:25 p.m.
CHICAGO BEARS AT SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS — 8:30 p.m.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 15
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES AT INDIANAPOLIS COLTS — 8:30 p.m.