What the hell was that?

I was preparing to interview a man who ran a charity that helps people shout louder. It should have been easy. Tell me about your organization. Where did you find the inspiration to help others yell more? What shouting event will you participate in this year? But he wanted to make it hard.

He was 70-year old man with a Southern draw that I thought funny being that he was from the Sudan. Nonetheless, he was excited. After identifying myself as a freelance writer from the greatest magazine of all time, I heard a sigh.

  I have a scoop. I’m building a gated community of shouters. They would live together. They’d shout at each other, of course. And best of all, they live in perfect harmony. The world needs more shouters, but you my friend, you need to be here. It’s no good that I’m shouting on a phone. Be here. In person. 

I was in France at the time and still interested in his utopia of screaming. He sighed again.

It’s just not the same. I can’t share this over the phone. It’s just not right. 

…and time.


1 egg
1 pound ground beef (lean)
1/2 cup oats
1/3 cup diced onion
1/2 cup chopped spinach
2 tablespoons Mexican-blend cheese

You start off with an egg. Crack it. Into a bowl of course. Now, put the rest of it in the bowl. Add some pepper or salt if you want.
It’s fun to take your hands and go silly putty. If you get it right, you have four delicious quarter pounders.
I hope you know how to cook a burger. Do I have to do everything?
Medium to High, 7 minutes on each side.

You can call them spinach oatmeal burgers.

You can call them spinach oatmeal burgers.

Thanks for listening.

SEASON: 27-21

San Francisco at St. Louis SAN FRANCISCO
Baltimore at Buffalo BALTIMORE
Cincinnati at Cleveland CINCINNATI
Chicago at Detroit DETROIT
NY Giants at Kansas City KANSAS CITY
Arizona at Tampa Bay ARIZONA
Indianapolis at Jacksonville INDIANAPOLIS
Seattle at Houston HOUSTON
Pittsburgh at Minnesota PITTSBURGH
NY Jets at Tennessee TENNESSEE
Washington at Oakland OAKLAND
Philadelphia at Denver DENVER
Dallas at San Diego DALLAS
New England at Atlanta NEW ENGLAND
Miami at New Orleans NEW ORLEANS
·Bye: Green Bay, Carolina

The A.J. Avocado Wrap: Memories of Junior High, Tapes and Phil Collins

When I was a young, handsome eighth grade lad at Souers Junior High, I shared a study hall with a kid named A.J. (the name protects the innocent). One time after study hall, he was excited to tell me about the new Phil Collins tape (Yes, tape. Not CD or download), No Jacket Required. In addition to how holy shit on a cracker awesome the album was, what intrigued me the most was the clear exterior. At that moment, I thought it was the greatest innovation of music technology.


It’s not a clear tape, but you get my point.

Soon after, many artists during that time followed suit with the transparent presentation. Since then, delivery of music hasn’t been to exciting for me. No clear anything.  Just download this!  It’s like prostitution. Quick and no affection.

Like an album, there was something about holding a tangible object with coiled tape that projected music to your ears. You mouthed along the lyrics if they were provided. You enjoyed the cover and sleeve art. Even read the side notes and thank yous. Now, it’s download from iTunes and fuck the rest. I miss the thought that was put into an artist’s notes. It was a chance to see what Phil was thinking and what he was playing on “Take Me Home.”  There are Grammies given to the best album notes.  This is an important part of music that is getting undervalued.

But I digress.

Fast forward 30 years later, A.J. passively says pictures of food on social media is unbecoming. But this is what I do. Pontificate about random thoughts and throw up a recipe with some football predictions. Again, I’m rambling. In honor of my friend A.J., I present to you the A.J. Avocado Morning Wrap:

A.J. Avocado Morning Wrap

• One whole wheat tortilla
• Two slices of turkey deli
• Two eggs, nuked
• A half of an avocado, sliced
• Two tablespoons of Mexican blend cheese

Crack your eggs into a bowl. Stir it up and put it in the microwave for about two minutes. Throw the finished eggs and everything else on the tortilla… and wrap.

A good way to start your day. Lots of protein and libido fuel. Who needs coffee? Who am I fooling? I needs me some coffee. Peace out


SEASON: 19-13

Kansas City at Philadelphia 8:25 PM KANSAS CITY
Green Bay at Cincinnati 1:00 PM GREEN BAY
St. Louis at Dallas 1:00 PM DALLAS
San Diego at Tennessee 1:00 PM SAN DIEGO
Cleveland at Minnesota 1:00 PM MINNESOTA
Tampa Bay at New England 1:00 PM NEW ENGLAND
Arizona at New Orleans 1:00 PM NEW ORLEANS
Detroit at Washington 1:00 PM DETROIT
NY Giants at Carolina 1:00 PM NY GIANTS
Houston at Baltimore 1:00 PM HOUSTON
Atlanta at Miami 4:05 PM ATLANTA
Buffalo at NY Jets 4:25 PM BUFFALO
Indianapolis at San Francisco 4:25 PM SAN FRANCISCO
Jacksonville at Seattle 4:25 PM SEATTLE
Chicago at Pittsburgh 8:30 PM CHICAGO
Oakland at Denver 8:30 PM DENVER

What makes me happy? (cryptic message ahead)

You know what makes me happy?

Going 9-7. Having a winning start. Getting off on the good foot. Football is back and I’m ever so glad. I LOVE simple pleasures.

It was a very good day for that exact reason.  Today, my friend Amy posted a link about reasons why you shouldn’t send your daughter to college. Needless to say, I was so shocked reading it that I began to read again. And again.

And again.

It was like Rebecca Black’s Friday. My anger turned into giddiness. It was a very fortunate moment that I was able to witness the most crackpot of a blog post ever. I can sit down with my kids and tell them about a time when someone shamelessly attempted to put women in their general place.

Bravo! 1950s man, Bravo!

Well, all this misogyny has gotten me hungry.

To my lovely friend who once shared a lunch table with me in high school, I will propose a dish that has NO MEAT.

White Sauce Pita Pizza
(1) small whole wheat pita
White sauce = 1/4 cup part-skim ricotta cheese + 1 teaspoon olive oil + 1/4 teaspoon dried basil or oregano
(1) sliced green onion
(1) tablespoon part-skim mozzarella cheese
(3) slices of tomato (for Shakespeare In The City) or 1 ounce of smoke salmon or 1/4 cup of precooked chicken (Personally, I never buy that because of the boatload of sodium. So, I bake it in the oven, then chop, chop, chop…)

Spread your white sauce evenly on the whole wheat pita. Top it with the aforementioned ingredients and put it in the oven (475 degrees) for about six-eight minutes. Then, DONE!

White Sauce Pita Pizza

We are eating and laughing at the stupid guy from Fix The Family.

254 calories for my fish & chicken brethren and 231 calories for the professor at San Francisco State University.  I hope she is happy now. I am.

Until next time…

MY PICKS (Sorry, dbmeow 😦 )

Week 2
NY Jets at New England 8:25 PM NEW ENGLAND
St. Louis at Atlanta 1:00 PM ATLANTA
Carolina at Buffalo 1:00 PM CAROLINA
Minnesota at Chicago 1:00 PM MINNESOTA
Washington at Green Bay 1:00 PM GREEN BAY
Miami at Indianapolis 1:00 PM INDIANAPOLIS
Dallas at Kansas City 1:00 PM KANSAS CITY
Cleveland at Baltimore 1:00 PM BALTIMORE
Tennessee at Houston 1:00 PM HOUSTON
San Diego at Philadelphia 1:00 PM PHILADELPHIA
Detroit at Arizona 4:05 PM DETROIT
New Orleans at Tampa Bay 4:05 PM NEW ORLEANS
Jacksonville at Oakland 4:25 PM OAKLAND
Denver at NY Giants 4:25 PM DENVER
San Francisco at Seattle 8:30 PM SEATTLE
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati 8:30 PM PITTSBURGH

I’m such a hot head

When it comes time to do battle, I like to think of myself as capable warrior; defeating my foes with as much blood and gore as possible. Then I wake up and realize I haven’t got a thug bone in my body. So, I turn to cooking. It’s still a battle. I’m armed with a knife.

I’m good at it and people like it (just one so far, but others VIRTUALLY like it). I never thought it would be this much fun.

Due to the tens and tens of you who’ve demanded I create some guide of my culinary triumphs, here it is. It only takes a skillet, starch, vegetables and some diced chicken as well as less than 10 minutes of your precious time.

Hot & Rice Chicken

1 teaspoon olive oil
1/2 cup diced onion
1/3 cup diced red pepper
1 egg
1 tablespoon reduced-sodium soy sauce
1 and 3/4 cup cooked brown rice
1 and 1/2 cup diced chicken breast

The olive oil goes on the skillet. Heat it please. Throw your onions and red pepper and sauté, sauté, sauté. Crack your egg and make sure it lands on the skillet. You could make a mess elsewhere. Anyways, scramble it up and often. Add the soy sauce, hot sauce, rice and chicken. Stir that sucker until it blends, until you can’t tell what is what.

Eat it. You and your friend.

You know you want to eat it!

You know you want to eat it!

Guess what? That was 400-plus calories with a shitload of protein, carbs, fiber and the good fat. If you ran it off, your body would have kept all the good stuff.

Good eating and please tell me how you liked it!


Baltimore at Denver 8:30 PM DENVER
New England at Buffalo 1:00 PM NEW ENGLAND
Cincinnati at Chicago 1:00 PM CINCINNATI
Miami at Cleveland 1:00 PM MIAMI
Atlanta at New Orleans 1:00 PM NEW ORLEANS
Tampa Bay at NY Jets 1:00 PM TAMPA BAY
Tennessee at Pittsburgh 1:00 PM PITTSBURGH
Minnesota at Detroit 1:00 PM MINNESOTA
Oakland at Indianapolis 1:00 PM INDIANAPOLIS
Seattle at Carolina 1:00 PM SEATTLE
Kansas City at Jacksonville 1:00 PM KANSAS CITY
Arizona at St. Louis 4:25 PM ARIZONA
Green Bay at San Francisco 4:25 PM GREEN BAY
NY Giants at Dallas 8:30 PM NEW YORK
Philadelphia at Washington 6:55 PM PHILADELPHIA
Houston at San Diego 10:15 PM HOUSTON