On the way home today, the recent construction was taking its toll on my street. What would usually take five minutes took nearly two hours. The slow crawl of traffic led me to the woman with the “Slow/Stop” sign. The saving grace was the day that was as warm as her smile.
You must be loving this day, right?
Once she heard my voice, her face turned to stone. The sign in her hand transformed into a weapon.
Love is too young to know what conscience is, Yet who know not conscience is born of love?
My first thought was “Holy virtuous resolutions. She must be having a bad day with her man.” But ultimately, I understood her situation. Love is so complicated, especially in the beginning. And definitely, if you’re doing someone you’re not supposed to be doing, ya dig?
The construction lady was on the wrong side of it, I guess. Like the child Cupid, love is too immature to know what the conscience is. But everybody realizes it’s born of love, right? That’s how I see it.
Are you going to move, buddy?
Honking horns and slight obscenities later, I realized it was time to move on. Goodbye, my new friend. Triumph in love. Until we meet again tomorrow.
Tilapia Talk Back for Two
Two tilapia filets
Two tablespoons mustard
1/2 cup chopped pecans
Honey to taste
Use a tablespoon of mustard on each filet.
Dump in the egg in a baggie. Shake it.
Take your pecans. Smash them. Roll the egg-soaked filet in it.
Preheat the oven for 350 degrees.
12 minutes in the oven. Then, drizzle it in honey.
I love seafood. It’s brain food. My wife hates seafood. But I still love her. Boo! Enjoy.
LAST WEEK: 9-6
|Carolina at Tampa Bay||8:25 PM||CAROLINA|
|SUN, OCT 27||TIME (ET)|
|Dallas at Detroit||1:00 PM||DALLAS|
|Cleveland at Kansas City||1:00 PM||KANSAS CITY|
|Miami at New England||1:00 PM||NEW ENGLAND|
|Buffalo at New Orleans||1:00 PM||NEW ORLEANS|
|NY Giants at Philadelphia||1:00 PM||PHILADELPHIA|
|San Francisco at Jacksonville||1:00 PM||SAN FRANCISCO|
|NY Jets at Cincinnati||4:05 PM||CINCINNATI|
|Pittsburgh at Oakland||4:05 PM||PITTSBURGH|
|Washington at Denver||4:25 PM||DENVER|
|Atlanta at Arizona||4:25 PM||ATLANTA|
|Green Bay at Minnesota||8:30 PM||GREEN BAY|
|MON, OCT 28||TIME (ET)|
|Seattle at St. Louis||8:30 PM||SEATTLE|
|·Bye: Chicago, Tennessee, Indianapolis, San Diego, Baltimore, Houston|
October 18 is my mother’s birthday.
More than my mother, she’s my friend. She’s one of my wife’s best friends and talks to her more than I do.
For her last birthday, we took her to Disney as part of her bucket list. It was also the first time she rode a plane. Moving about with two new knees, Mom wasn’t too keen on being active at the airport until she learned of wheelchair assistance. I think she didn’t lay one foot on the ground while at Orlando or Akron-Canton. It makes me long for the day that I’m elderly. But movement was not a problem that week. She was ridin’ dirty in her scooter.
Back to the plane… As we were boarding from Akron-Canton, I had to tell the closest attendant that this was my mother’s maiden voyage via sky. He then gave my mother a slight sigh.
Honey, you get to go First Class!
Yes honey, that’s how we do it around here!
Mom thought she won the lottery. Leather seat in a row all to herself; she felt like a queen… until takeoff. As the plane marched unto the runway, my mother’s face was covered not wanting to take a peek out the window or anywhere near the cabin. She noticed a slight tilt that steadily increased. Looking at the window, she saw I-77 get smaller until her focus was on the horizon. I didn’t hear any screams, so I assumed she was still intact. One hour in, I asked how she was doing.
How fast are we going?
Like 55 mph?
Once she had gotten over the shock of our speed, she had one more question.
What are those white things outside?
The white puffy things.
Happy Birthday, Mom!
MOMMA’S MORNING MOUTHFUL
A cup of milk
3/4 cup of oatmeal
1/2 cup of strawberries/blueberries or any berries
A tablespoon of pecans or almonds
A teaspoon of whey protein or isolate
” ” ” ground flaxseed
A teaspoon of yogurt
1/2 sliced banana
Mix the first six ingredients in a bowl and nuke it for about two minutes. After it’s not so hot anymore, slap on the banana slices and dap the yogurt on it.
Who needs coffee? You got energy for the day, right there. Let’s run some laps around Magic Kingdom!
LAST WEEK: 11-4
|THU, OCT 17||TIME (ET)|
|Seattle at Arizona||8:25 PM||SEATTLE|
|SUN, OCT 20||TIME (ET)|
|Tampa Bay at Atlanta||1:00 PM||ATLANTA|
|Cincinnati at Detroit||1:00 PM||CINCINNATI|
|Buffalo at Miami||1:00 PM||MIAMI|
|New England at NY Jets||1:00 PM||NEW ENGLAND|
|Dallas at Philadelphia||1:00 PM||PHILADELPHIA|
|Chicago at Washington||1:00 PM||CHICAGO|
|St. Louis at Carolina||1:00 PM||ST. LOUIS|
|San Diego at Jacksonville||1:00 PM||SAN DIEGO|
|San Francisco at Tennessee||4:05 PM||SAN FRANCISCO|
|Cleveland at Green Bay||4:25 PM||GREEN BAY|
|Houston at Kansas City||4:25 PM||KANSAS CITY|
|Baltimore at Pittsburgh||4:25 PM||PITTSBURGH|
|Denver at Indianapolis||8:30 PM||DENVER|
|MON, OCT 21||TIME (ET)|
|Minnesota at NY Giants||8:30 PM||NEW YORK|
|·Bye: Oakland, New Orleans|
“Willa” from Cincinnati:
“I love to hang around the house. I roam freely with no worries. You have the occasional moving objects and occurring smells, but it comes with the territory, you know. There’s a light-brown pillow I rest on near our fireplace. More like MY fireplace. It’s comforting. My philosophy in life is that stress is my enemy. It’s best not to have it near me. I’m a screamer when I’m stressed.
Which brings me to my mommy… she’s not too bright.
For instance, there’s this S-shaped thingy-mick-jiggy I like to chew on from time to time. I’m so at peace with that thing, it’s like we’re one. But every now and then, my mommy comes up and tries to yank it out of my mouth. First time, it scared the shit out of me.
She’s fucking crazy, I thought to myself.
And she just keeps doing it. Crazy!
Oh… the thing that really gets me going is her obsession with sticks. We often go hiking in this wooded park. She’ll rub me as we walk, and that feels SO GOOD, but she’ll rip off a branch from a tree and, for no reason, randomly throw it off the trail.
I’m thinking she’s obviously crazy, but I figured I’d run and get it for her since she likes branches (and balls) so much. Then, out of the blue, SHE THROWS IT AGAIN!!!
Can you say “loopy”?
Ah… yeah… there’s this one time… when she had this hose out and I was really thirsty too, right? She had the hose hanging above me with the water flowing everywhere. I tried to get my tongue on the water, but she kept moving it. I was screaming but she just laughed like a crazy person.
It drives me nuts.
Something is wrong with her.
It sounds like I’m complaining but… Yeah, she feeds me, lets me me shit anywhere I want and hugs me A LOT.
But I think she’s not sharpest human out there.
But what human is?”
WILLA BEAN WRAP
One whole wheat tortilla
¼ cup of black beans
One or two tablespoons of tomatoes
One or two tablespoons of feta cheese
Two nuked eggs
(Optional) Two slices of turkey deli
Hot sauce to taste
Crack your eggs into a bowl. If you want to, put the black beans in the bowl. Microwave for 2 minutes. Put everything on the tortilla. Roll and there you go!
You got protein and some energy for the afternoon (or fourth meal time).
LAST WEEK: 8-6
|THU, OCT 10||TIME (ET)|
|NY Giants at Chicago||8:25 PM||CHICAGO|
|SUN, OCT 13||TIME (ET)|
|Cincinnati at Buffalo||1:00 PM||CINCINNATI|
|Detroit at Cleveland||1:00 PM||DETROIT|
|Oakland at Kansas City||1:00 PM||KANSAS CITY|
|Carolina at Minnesota||1:00 PM||CAROLINA|
|Pittsburgh at NY Jets||1:00 PM||PITTSBURGH|
|Philadelphia at Tampa Bay||1:00 PM||PHILADELPHIA|
|Green Bay at Baltimore||1:00 PM||GREEN BAY|
|St. Louis at Houston||1:00 PM||HOUSTON|
|Jacksonville at Denver||4:05 PM||DENVER|
|Tennessee at Seattle||4:05 PM||SEATTLE|
|Arizona at San Francisco||4:25 PM||SAN FRANCISCO|
|New Orleans at New England||4:25 PM||NEW ORLEANS|
|Washington at Dallas||8:30 PM||DALLAS|
|MON, OCT 14||TIME (ET)|
|Indianapolis at San Diego||8:30 PM||INDIANAPOLIS|
|·Bye: Atlanta, Miami|
Being in the hospital sucks.
Having to work on your mobile computer through your stay really sucks.
Lucky for me, I didn’t have to stay the night. The doctor told me I’d be leaping buildings in a single bound in no time. Currently, it takes me about two or three tries.
During the surgery and between incisions, I had knocked out some work on my trusty laptop. So I thought.
It turns out that my evil nemesis hacked my secret account and was planning to copy my information and sell it on the black market. What made matters worse, I sensed a nefarious presence. I had thought it was the bad chili from the cafeteria, but I was mistaken.
I immediately turned to the doctor and asked if I could use her scalpel. She wanted to see my ID. I knew then it was a trap. Because there’s no such thing as a woman doctor. It was her, my nemesis.
You wouldn’t hit a girl, would you Mr. Freeze?
She was clever. And right.
While you were resting in Canton, I only got stronger. Thank you, Obamacare! Now, the government won’t stand between me and my patients. And most importantly, I lied when I told you about the leaping. THERE ARE NO BOUNDS OR BUILDINGS. I DESTROYED THEM ALL!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
From the years I’ve dealt with the evil fake doctor woman, I knew her chattiness was her weakness. As she rambled, I programmed my laptop to transform into a live Pinterest page of kittens. She was distracted by the cute and I again foiled her plan to destroy me and I was finally able to…
… get my work done.
One cup of peanut butter
One cup of honey
Three cups of oatmeal
One cup of your nuts of choice (peanuts, dried fruit, dried cranberries)
One cup of chocolate chips
1/2 cup of flaxseed
Depending on how you ball them up, you can 20, 30 or even 40 balls. You may smash them flat to make them cookies or stick them in a muffin tray for a cup. Regardless of how you do it, you will gain power and energy. It’s good for you.
Up, up and away!
LAST WEEK: 9-6
|Buffalo at Cleveland||8:25 PM||BUFFALO|
|SUN, OCT 6||TIME (ET)|
|New Orleans at Chicago||1:00 PM||NEW ORLEANS|
|New England at Cincinnati||1:00 PM||NEW ENGLAND|
|Detroit at Green Bay||1:00 PM||DETROIT|
|Kansas City at Tennessee||1:00 PM||KANSAS CITY|
|Seattle at Indianapolis||1:00 PM||SEATTLE|
|Jacksonville at St. Louis||1:00 PM||ST. LOUIS|
|Baltimore at Miami||1:00 PM||MIAMI|
|Philadelphia at NY Giants||1:00 PM||PHILADELPHIA|
|Carolina at Arizona||4:05 PM||ARIZONA|
|Denver at Dallas||4:25 PM||DENVER|
|Houston at San Francisco||8:30 PM||HOUSTON|
|San Diego at Oakland||11:35 PM||OAKLAND|
|MON, OCT 7||TIME (ET)|
|NY Jets at Atlanta||8:30 PM||ATLANTA|
|·Bye: Minnesota, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay, Washington|